On a slow ship to heaven

I am on a slow ship to heaven
It’s a promise I’ve gotta keep
The pain makes it real
The pain gives you focus
Behind all closed doors I suspect
A world of joy denied to me
But the nameless fears of the future are put away
As I endure the pain of the present
There is a pattern, there is a path
But to follow will cost me much more than a lot
Empty words of comfort and wisdom
Fake avowals of love and affection
Scheming selfish manipulating acts
All I find and brush aside
For I cannot tell them from the truth
Painful disillusions, bitter disappointments
Broken trust and unkept promises
All I can do very well without
I feel the age and the sorrow
But not the guilt or the regret
Through a bubble of the toughest glass
Do I see and am seen by others
It is a race of the good and the bad
So close I can no longer tell them apart
But it doesn’t matter so much
My feet find their own direction
And I follow with no choice
I am on an excruciatingly slow ship to heaven
For I’ve made a promise to meet one there
And no matter however long it takes
It's a promise I have got to keep